The Copenhagen Climate talks received a fillip from unexpected quarters today with the announcement of Ashutosh Gowarikar as the first certified fluke of the Indian entertainment industry by the Fluke Determination Committee. The Fluke Determination Committee was constituted earlier this month to identify flukes or ‘one-hit-wonders’ amongst celebrities in an effort to ease them out of public life, thus reducing the entertainment industry’s carbon footprint in the form of saved newsprint, air time and web space.

On the eve of the press conference, Sanjay Kapoor, ex-actor and founding Chairperson of the board, elaborated on the breakthrough work of his committee and global climate change. ‘Every third person is a celebrity today. The committee makes it easier for the general public to identify the real ones from the ones who are still trying to derive mileage out of something they did in the mid 90s,’ said Mr. Kapoor, obliging the photographers by striking a pose in front of a poster of his 1995 hit ‘Raja’. ‘It’s criminal to waste so much of time and money on someone who’s clearly outlived his or her public utility. Just imagine the amount of that ozone thingie, old classics, careers and present-continuous tenses we could have saved if this committee had existed during the early part of RGV’s career!’

Mr. Gowarikar was much more guarded in his reaction to the development. ‘You can’t debate the numbers. But don’t be surprised if some of us make a surprise comeback with another hit in the very near future,’ he said, while fork-lifting his 10-volume, hard-bound script of ‘Jodha Akbar Returns‘ into his Swades-style mobile home.

Seeing the overwhelmingly encouraging response to this novel initiative, the committee is hopeful that has-been celebrities will now voluntarily step forward to be phased out of public life; however, when quizzed about rumours of himself being up for review in the next meeting, Chunky Pandey, the only other committee member, coyly clarified that the current algorithm required one to have at least one hit to be eligible for review.

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